X-Ray Specs - For Real This Time!

Remember when you were a kid, looking at the adverts in the back of the comic books? There was always an ad for a pair of 'X-Ray Specs' which were supposed to enable the wearer to see bones through hands, see through clothes, and so on [insert cheesy 1960's wolf-whistle here]. I am told they didn't work; God knows how many horny boys would have cheerfully choked the CEO of that company to death for their deception. But time marches on, and here I am road-kill.

http://www.kaya-optics.com/index.shtml

I remember a couple of years back, some brands of video camera were discovered to have the ability to 'see' through clothes - they were quickly pulled from the shelves by the manufacturers, and those who already had 'em made a mint on eBoy.

Here comes a company that makes a filter that apparently does the same thing. I ain't worried. I'm no prize, and any buddy sees me nekkid but Mrs. Wiggy is gonna be screamin' and runnin' for the door.

Best,

Wiggy

All Creatures, Great and Small - Kill Them Online!

I am having trouble believing that this is real - but apparently it is.

The deal is, you log into this website:

Live Shot

Then you pay a fee and get to control a real rifle and fire real bullets out of it. Currently, the bullets are only .22 calibre and only make holes in paper targets. The company plans to allow real 'hunting' with high-powered rifles in the future.

I have nothing against hunting. I eat meat, I'm not against killing the delicious little critters for food. I don't kill for 'sport' but I don't really have a quarrel with hunters who do. This, however, just creeps me right out.

Best,

Wiggy

How To Turn a Jeep Cherokee Into A Convertible

I tell you what. This kinda weird-ass shit does not happen to anyone else but me. And now, Mrs. Wiggy has been inflicted with my strange attractors as well. I am gonna tell you a story, and you're gonna laugh and say "That didn't happen. No way did that happen." But it did. It happened today, with God as my witness.

Let me start at the beginning. Y'all know I like photography. Yep, I do like to take pitchers. I'm always running around with a camera in my hand. So November 11th, 2004 was Veteran's Day here in the good ol' USA. Always some kinda celebration going on somewhere on Veteran's Day. Big cities get a parade, small towns get a speech by the Mayor and a coupla guys in WWII-era uniforms and a high school band. Wilson, NC is a small town. With me so far?

So I went down to the courthouse this morning, with camera in hand and about six rolls of film, hoping to get some high-caliber photos of a small-town Veteran's Day celebration. And I did. It was just what I hoped it would be.

I went a little bit early, hoping to figure out camera angles and that kinda stuff, 'cause that's what we photographers do, we figure out camera angles and stuff. As I was wandering around aiming my camera at innocent objects, I made the acquantance of a gentleman from the local chapter of the American Legion. Let's call him George. Mainly 'cause that is his name.

George was there with his grand-daughter and he's a right friendly old cuss. He enquired as to my particular affinity to Veteran's Day celebrations, and I allowed that since I was a US Marine some time ago, I kinda felt an obligation to keep in touch. Well, sir, that was my undoing. George rolled his eyes around like a kid in a candy store, rubbed his hands together with glee, and told his grand-daughter to go fetch his recruiting stuff.

Next thing I knew, my wallet was $20 lighter and I was a gen-u-wine member of the American Legion, John Anderson Chapter 13 of Wilson, North Carolina.

It turned out that George was the chapter President or some such, and he proceeded to introduce ol Wiggy to just about everyone wearing a funny hat, and they all made much of your hero. It is to blush, really.

Well, ol Wiggy had just shrugged that off and gotten back to the serious work of photography when he was approached by a representative of the local gubbermint. Seems the town had kind of forgotten to hire a photographer to document the event, and they'd sure like a pitcher or two if Wiggy didn't mind too much. Mind? No, your hero was flattered! He just hoped that he had remembered to take the lens cap off the camera this time - and put film in the camera, focus, and so on. Wiggy gave up a small prayer to St. Vidicon of Cathode and got back to work.


St. Vidicon of Cathode


Then one of the American Legion faction approached and hired yer Wigster to come to an event they were having that very evening in the American Legion headquarters, a dinner that Wiggy and Mrs Wiggy were cordially invited to - but Wiggy must bring camera and and take photos of young honorees of some program that the Legion had sponsored them into. Suckered again, Wigwam agreed. What the heck, free food, eh?

As soon as the ceremonies were over, Wiggy high-tailed it over to the local one-hour photo place and dropped off said film, which turned out actually not too bad. He then informed Mrs. Wiggy of the upcoming festivities, donned slightly more suitable attire - a ripped pair of blue jeans and an old "Cramps - Bad Music for Bad People" t-shirt being not quite up to the moment in Legion fashion.


The Cramps Official Website


Well, the dinner was a lovely thing. The Mayor of Wilson showed up again, great eastern North Carolina BBQ was had, courtesy of Bill's BBQ of Wilson (eastern NC BBQ is a whole 'nother animal, trust me on this - but it's a different story, too).


Bill's BBQ of Wilson



The awards were made, a real Army Colonel showed up to talk, and Wigwam took his little photos. A resounding success, Mrs. Wiggy was talked into joining the Auxiliary, so all in all, what an evening eh?

Now.

You might be wondering - what's this all got to do with turning your Jeep Cherokee into a convertible? And you'd be right - it is all kind of strange. But allow me, dear reader, to pull a few threads together.

You recall that ol Wigwam went downtown with the express purpose of getting some photos of a genuine small-town Veteran's Day celebration, yes? So without Veteran's Day, Wiggy would have been at work, not lolling around in downtown Wilson. And without the celebration, the American Legion would not have been lurking about down there, sand-trapping new members with wild abandon. And yer Wiggy would not have been lulled into a false sense of ephoria by being sweet-talked by the Mayor's henchman into submitting some of those photos for the City to use on their website and perhaps even in the local fishwrap. And without that impetus, Wiggy would NOT have been lulled into joining up with the local chapter of the American Legion, and would NOT have been at the dinner tonight where kids were honored for doing some bloody awful thing, and therefore, Wiggy and the Mrs. would NOT have had a delightful Easter North Carolina BBQ dinner.

And. I'm gettin' to it, hang on...

We would not therefore have driven home on Highway 301 at 9:30 this evening. In our Jeep Cherokee. Under the railroad trestle that crosses Highway 301. And directly into the path of a power cable that had come undone and was plummeting, at that very moment we crossed under the bridge, towards our Jeep Cherokee.

WHAM! All your beloved Wigster knew was that the top of our Jeep had just been peeled back like a can of sardines.

OK, that was an exaggeration. All it did was smash out our windshield. But the sound effect was much the same - it sounded like a dumptruck load of cinderblocks had been dropped from the bridge onto our Jeep. Wiggy hit the binders and spun that Cherokee around like a true bootlegger from the hill country, coming to a graceful stop atop the median and facing back the way we had come. Entertaining.

Hell, Wiggy kind thought we had been shot at. And here's a clew for ya. If you think you're being shot at, the clever move is NOT to turn around and face your attacker, especially when they can see you and you can't see them, your windshield is already shattered, and your wife is in the seat next to you, ready to watch you be splattered for your intrinsic logic and dedication to a concept once known briefly as 'machismo.'

Turns out - the power cable fell at more or less the precise time we were going underneath it. What are the odds of that happening? Took out the windshield in rather spectacular fashion, which is more or less the way Wiggy's luck goes - we had just replaced that very windshield maybe three months ago.





If the cable had still been attached at both ends instead of coming loose completely at one end, yes, the Jeep Cherokee would have become an instant convertible. Unfortunately, it hit the windshield at about chest-high - we'd have been made into convertibles as well, which does not do well for a career in, well, just about anything except being in an urn on someone's shelf and getting dusted from time to time. And that career does not pay well and would not look good on Wiggy's resume.

So there you have it. Take one Veteran's Day holiday, add a crazed country-music legend who pursues photography as a hobby, stir in the American Legion, and you too can have a convertible Jeep Cherokee in no time.

But it seems like a tad much effort, to be quite honest about it. Next time, I'll just use a Milwaukee Sawzall.





Keep Yer Stick on the Ice,

Wigwam Jones

Happy Birthday, Jarheads!

Founded on this day in 1775 in a bar (Tun Tavern) in Philadephia, PA.  Happy Birthday and Ooh-Rah to my fellow Jarheads.

Semper Fidelis,

Wigwam Jones
Former Sgt, USMC 1979-1985

Amazon Spamhaus Redux

Apparently, Amazon is up to their old tricks again. Money must be tight. After many years of being an Amazon customer, now I feel I have to drop them like a Bad Habit, all down to the fact that they appear to be spamming again. Maybe they thought I wouldn't notice.

I have had an Amazon account for some time - and when possible, I always set my 'preferences' on any commercial website to include only being contacted for things like invoices, shipping dates, stuff like that. I never want to be spammed, not even by people I like. If I want to buy a product, here's a hint - I'll go and buy it.

Oh, it's not technically spam, because we have an existing relationship, right? Well, maybe technically. But it's spam just the same. And ironic, too!



Hope you can read that, I had to shrink it some - for those who can't, it is an advertisement for a book on PRIVACY! Hehehe, the irony is so sharp it hurts, dude.

So, since this was really truly Amazon and not a typical spambag, I actually clicked on the link provided (normally a big no-no with spam, people), and checked out what they report as my 'privacy settings'. Please note that I didn't make these choices, at least not that I can recall - and I'd have had to been into the sauce pretty heavily to have done it without recalling it. Apparently, these are some fun settings that Amazon has come up with FOR ME:



OK, so I deactivated the choices I never made and pressed save. Not a big deal. But I don't like being made to do it, and so now I will do business with:

http://www.abebooks.com/

Simple, Amazon - you spam, you lose. You change my settings to make it seem that I agreed to get your spam - or invented a new bunch of settings and decided that the default setting should be "on".

Does any of this matter? No, not really. All my so-called privacy is most likely with my credit information - in some prison in Fujian Province in China, or a boiler-room technical support operation in Bangalore, India. But my conceit is that I have some level of control over my life and my privacy. Screw with my cherished illusions at your own risk. Bye, bye, Amazon!

Later,

Wiggy

Open-Source Politics

Well, the US elections are over, and President Bush seems to have won.  Don't think I'm ecstatic about that, because I'm not; even though I voted for him.  In fact, I'll tell you how I voted the entire card here in my neck of the woods in North Carolina.  Whenever there was a race that had a Libertarian candidate in it, I voted for that person over the Republican or the Democrat, with the single exception of the President, where as I said, I voted for Bush.  If there was only a Republican or a Democrat listed as running, I voted for the Republican.  Fortunately, there were a lot of Libertarians on the ticket.  I didn't vote for a single Democrat.  There were some races, such as those for judges, that were 'non-partisan' and had no party affiliation listed.  In those cases, I abstained from voting entirely, since I didn't know the people or their positions on issues I'd care about.  I voted against all three NC constitutional ammendments, I'm generally not in favor of amending constitutions and wasn't that familiar with the issues.  I'll do a better job of studying up next time.

Now, some observations, in no particular order...just things I've happened to think about recently, related to the election.

First - I told Mrs. Wiggy that I was almost hoping that Kerry would win the electoral college and lose the popular vote.  I say that because I really, really, wanted to hear the first Liberal cry and whine like a little beyotch that Bush should have won instead of Kerry because he got the popular vote.  That would have been priceless.  But frankly, that would not have happened, because the whining about how Gore won the popular vote in 2000 was not really about the popular vote or the electoral college - it was about a bunch of hate-filled tree-hugging Liberals spewing their hatred in a visceral display of their true belief system - which mainly consists of taking my money and giving it to someone else.  It still would have been fun for a few days, asking Liberals to display their dedication to their belief that 'popular vote' should rule - or watching them act like the true hypocrites they are.  Amazing to me after the LAST election how many Democrats had no idea what the Electoral College was, and had to have it explained to them.  Wow.  Intellectual giants.  I thought they were all supposed to be smarter than me, because they cared more about important stuff?

Second - I sure was glad to hear the rumor that Ashcroft might be stepping down.  That was one of the main things that worried me about voting for Bush.  Ashcroft is one scary, psycho dude.  When Bush first chose him, I was glad - he had a reputation of protecting the rights of gun owners, and he has done so - this makes ol' Wiggy happy.  But he went off the edge and started doing the Patriot Act Uber Alles thing and man that guy has GOT to retire.  Wowzer, he's just plain freaking crazy.  Sorry, Liberals.  You win one here - Ashcroft is one crazy gun-toting right winger, all right.  My apologies.

Third - Here in Raleigh, some kids got arrested for allegedly trying to blow up and burn down the Republican HQ - after the election, here's some rocket scientists.  The news link is here:

        http://rdu.news14.com/content/headlines/?ArID=58499&SecID=2

OK, these are a bunch of rebels without a clue, but I love the treatment they're getting from the news.  You see, they are foaming at the mouth (nearly literally, you have to see the video of one of their compatriots taking wild swings at camera people outside the courthouse) about the election results, but ONLY AT REPUBLICANS.  Hmmm.  I thought "anarchists" didn't like government in general, they didn't just reserve their white-hot ire for right-wing Conservatives.  So why didn't they take on the Democrats and try their hand at blowing up THEIR headquarters.  I'll tell you why - this is a no-brainer - it is because  these little thugs are NOT "anarchists," they're Liberals with a grudge.  Sorry, them's the facts.  One of them, Vanessa Zuloaga, has been primarily known for being a so-called "Goth Fasion Designer" for a company called "See-Throo" which is located in Los Angeles and designs fetish-wear:

Important Note: I have been contacted by a whole fleet of fetish-wear devotees, who inform me that Vanessa Zuloaga who lives in LA and Vanessa Zuloaga who allegedly vandalizes stuff are two different Vanessa Zuloagas. So, my apologies to the innocent one. You have a lot of friends.

        http://www.see-throo.com/

Anarchist?  No, apparently she's less anarchist than stupid in the punkin' haid.  Now, why are the police and news media calling them "Anarchists?"

Finally - I leave you with this.  There is a story in 'The Nation' about "Open Source Politics" and how the world is changing due to technology, access to information, blogs, and so forth.  And I agree.  And I think it's a good thing.  Yeppers.  But I had a funny thought.  You see, all the Pointy-Headed Liberals and Tree-Hugging Hippy-Folk just naturally assume that this means they will be getting more support, winning more elections, turning things around their way, remaking the world in their muddle-headed way.  Well, even many Republicans and Evil Conservatives and Gun-Toting Right-Wingers assume this as well, and they naturally fear it.

But what if it just ain't so?  I don't mean about the 'Open Source Politics', I mean about the Liberals owning the Internet Revolution?  I recall a few years back (Wiggy has been on the Internet since 1985 or thereabouts, people), somebody did a study that showed that an overwhelming majority of people on the 'net were self-identified Libertarians - which mainly thumb their noses at BOTH parties, but if push comes to shove, since they favor less government instead of more, they tend to fall along more traditional "Conservative" lines.

Oh, I can see it now.  Angry, angry, foam-spewing Michael Moore making documentaries about how the Internet was RIPPED OFF by the Evil Conservatives.  Yes, yes, I predict this blatherskite will go on at great length about how awful and bad and wrong America is because it turns out that the future belongs to the Right-Wingers!  Bwahahahaha!

What if "The Nation" is right - but assumes INCORRECTLY that the Left will own the 'net, and hence, the future?  What happens, Liberals, if it turns out that you're the real minority - in theory and in fact, and despite any conspiracy theories to the contrary?  What if the majority of the USA really *does* want you to just sit down and shut up?  Your belief system has always included the assumed 'fact' that you're the downtrodden, that you represent the REAL desires of The People.  What if you're wrong?

Just curious...

Keep Swinging,

Wiggy

My PayPal / eBay Rant

Ok, so I've been an eBay member since 1996, and I've been doing PayPal since 2000. I'm an early adopter. My feedback? 100% positive. Never had a problem, until recently. Oh, sure, sometimes I'd buy something that was 'not as described' to put it mildly. Usually, it was described as 'mint' and looked like a truck ran it over. You know what I did about it? Not much. I see eBay as a risk/reward system, not a market. You can't go and squeeze the merchandise, so to speak. You can't see it in person, just a fuzzy photo and a narrative. You pays yer money and you takes yer chances. Frankly, I didn't have much trouble with that system, even when I got the short end of the stick, because sometimes, I came out ahead - way ahead. Great items at a fraction of what they were worth - maybe even a fraction of what I'd have paid for the item myself.

Recently, I sold a couple of camera things on eBay. Listed Paypal as a payment option. No problems for a few weeks, then one guy got into a bidding war with some other buyer and ended up paying quite a bit ($300+) for an item of mine. A pretty rare camera accessory whatzit, made in the 1970s. I knew it was missing a set-screw, so I described that, but I said it was "all that kept it from being perfect" in my listing. I felt that was a truthful statement, it was in mighty good shape in my opinion. I also included a bunch of high-rez photos (sharp and in-focus, not like some sellers). I also said "AS-IS, NO REFUND UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LET THAT INFORMATION GUIDE YOUR BIDDING." Big letters.

The buyer paid promptly, and I packed and shipped the unit. I thought that was the end of it. Hah!

Buyer got the unit and immediately wrote to me to let me know it was not as described. He had a whole list of things that were wrong with it - from it being badly designed to having dust and pet hair on it, and everything in-between. He wanted his money back.

OK, so I'm mad. But, I offer him his money back. I tell him I don't agree with his assessment of the unit, but I want him to be happy, so I'll return his money if he'll return the unit.

Two weeks go by, and I hear nothing.

Then, he writes again. He once again tells me everything that's wrong with it. He then adds that he wants me to refund his shipping as well as the purchase price. I'm not happy, but I'm inclined to do so anyway. This guy is trouble, you can tell by the tenor of his emails.

Oh, wait. He throws this in at the end of the second email - he'll consider keeping the unit if I'll refund half or so of the purchase price.

OK, now I know what this is - it's a shakedown - an extortion attempt. And a clumsy one at that. Lousy so-and-so.

I tell him that I don't like extortion, and I won't play. I hereby revoke my offer of a refund and tell him to go pound sand.

He writes back and begs me to reconsider, but then in the same email he threatens me with legal action if I don't reconsider giving him half off his purchase price. I ignore him.

He then files a complaint with PayPal - Item Not as Described. They immediately freeze my account and suck all the money he paid me out of the account, leaving me with a negative balance. They ask me my side of the issue (I have four lines of text to respond) and then tell me that they'll make a decision and let me know in 7 to 14 days.

Two months go by.

At the end of month one, I call PayPal. I get a cranky bitch who tells me that if I were not dishonest, I would not have these problems. She tells me that PayPal has already decided to refund the guy's money, they're just waiting on his statement from a camera dealer telling them that the unit is not repairable, then I'll be sent back the unit and that will be that. I can't believe I've just been called a crook, I'm in shock. I talk to a manager, he apologizes for what the woman called me, but tells me the same thing - buyer wins, I lose, and eventually that's how things will shake out.

It takes ANOTHER MONTH to have this all happen. Then, one fine day, the buyer send me the unit back and gives a Fedex tracking number. It arrives, and it is damaged - not from me, either. The lens hood has taken a knock and it is bent severely. I cannot find any other damage - certainly not the damage the buyer described to me. In fact, I mount a spare lens to it and commence to taking photos - it works fine. Sounds like a serious case of buyer's remose to me - or maybe he really was trying to extort me. Damned crook.

I file an appeal with PayPal. They take my information about the damage, and several days later, I get this in my email:

------------------------------
Complaint Details
------------------------------

Transaction Date: Aug. 20, 2004
Transaction Amount: -$315.20 USD
Case Number: PP-????
Buyer's Name: Oxxx Mxxxxx
Buyer's Email: xxxx@xxxxxx.xxx

You can not appeal a claim for the same reason that the case was granted. The lense was not in good condition when received by the buyer. Your appeal has been denied. Please work directly with the buyer if you wish to seek further resolution Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,
Jenny
Protection Services Department

Please do not reply to this e-mail. Mail sent to this address will not be received and therefore, not answered. For assistance, log in to your PayPal account and click the "Help" link in the footer of any page. If your inquiry is regarding a claim, log in to your PayPal account and click the pink Service Center link.

So, using this logic, the buyer could have run over the item with a truck, stuffed the pieces in a box, and sent them back to me, and I'm just hosed. It can't BE further damaged, because it already IS damaged. What kind of stupid-ass logic is that?

Well, I'm at the end of my rope. My PayPal account has been locked up with a negative balance since August 20, and won't be unlocked until tomorrow, when I have a balance transfer taking place to zero out my account. At that time, I will call PayPal and close my account and say some very naughty words to the hapless moron who answers the phone.

And eBay? Well, since my PayPal account has been locked up, I've been paying for auctions with US Postal Service Money Orders. I won a camera thingy and sent the seller a MO for $8.00 - the total cost with shipping. He's sent me a couple more invoices since then. I've tried to reply, but my email to him gets bounced back - his ISP thinks my email address is a 'known spam' domain. Whatever.

But he apparently has not received the MO yet. So he filed an 'Official Non-Payment Complaint' with eBay. They notified me tonight that I have seven days to provide them with proof that I sent a Money Order, or they will close my eBay account.

100% positive feedback - since 1996. And I'm gonna stiff some guy for $8. Right.

eBay can now officially kiss my rosy red ass as well. In fact, they can line up and kiss the groove, baby.

I'm pissed off.

Thanks for listening to my rant...

Best,

Wiggy

The Five Stages of Voting

The Five Stages of Voting

I got this from reading the ironically late Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' much-publicized "Five Stages of Dying," with a little twist of my own for the current elections.

Denial and Isolation: Oh, Dear God! This cannot be happening. We did NOT nominate George W. Bush and John Kerry as Republican and Democratic nominees to the office of the Presidency. Tell me this was just a bad dream? There is no way that the American public, despite many accusations to the contrary, could be that stupid. I am the only person who understands how colossally evil, wicked, and bad this is. Nobody else 'gets it'? Oh, come on! A loving God would NEVER permit us to have to make this hideous choice!

Anger: I am so mad, I could just burst into flames spontaneously. Seeing either one of their smarmy, smug, 'punch me' faces on TV evokes a visceral reaction in me. I want to track down every person who ever cast a ballot for either of them and smack them until they cry for their mommas. Oh wait, that includes me. Oh well, me too, then. Grrr.

Bargaining: OK, just let Kerry win then, and that way the evil bad Hillary Clinton will never become President, because
Kerry will run for re-election in 2008 and she won't run against her own party, and she'll be too old in 2012, not to mention the fact that by the time Kerry gets through with America in 8 years there won't be anything left to steal, we'll all be fully equalized - meaning we won't have a pot to piss in. Or let Bush win, he's about as crazy as anyone I've ever seen who hasn't been tracked down and had a net dropped over him and shot up with about 1,000 milligrams of Thorazine. I mean, this guy is just whacko loony scary bad crazy. He gets re-elected and he's bound to do SOMETHING so incredibly illustrative of his insanity that we all just kinda look at each other, shrug, and have him quietly go away like Spiro Agnew. Nattering nabobs of negativism, indeed.

Depression: No matter what happens, we're screwed. I mean bad. We're going to get it right in the kisser. Civil rights, hah! All gone, buddy boy. The Republicans win, we have Patriot Act II to make breathing without a license illegal and have RFID chips implanted in our left arms. The Democrats win, we have the end of traditional marriage, no more gun rights, and RFID chips implated in our left arms. No matter WHO wins, we lose.

Acceptance: Ah, to hell with it. As long as Budweiser is still on the shelf at the local grocery store and I have enough money left over after taxes to pay for it, I don't care what they do. Get on with it, already!

And there you have it - the Five Stages of Voting. We're all in the same boat, and that boat is not only taking on water, it is on fire at the same time. The good news is that the flooding will put out the fire. The bad news is that the flooding will put out the fire. Get out the marshmellows, my friends. Strike up the band. Turn out the lights, the party is definitely over.

"Folks, this is your Captain speaking. All of our engines are on fire and we're a thousand miles from the nearest airport. Nobody has a parachute and we're all pretty much done for. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em...we're going down. I've got a carton of Camel unfiltereds up here, I'll see ya on the ground. Click." - loosely adapted from a Denis Leary rant.

See You On The Other Side...

Wiggy