Global Warming & President Bush the Cause of Problems With Saturn's Rings

Yes, it is true. We've broken the universe.

Scientists baffled by changes in Saturn's rings
- By ALICIA CHANG, AP Science Writer
Monday, September 5, 2005

(09-05) 12:32 PDT Los Angeles (AP) --

New observations by the international Cassini spacecraft reveal that Saturn's trademark shimmering rings, which have dazzled astronomers since Galileo's time, have dramatically changed over the past 25 years.

Among the most surprising findings is that parts of Saturn's innermost ring - the D ring - have grown dimmer since the Voyager spacecraft flew by the planet in 1981. A piece of the D ring also has shifted, moving 125 miles inward toward Saturn.

While scientists puzzle over what caused Saturn's D ring to change in such a short period, the observations could tell something about the age and lifetime of planetary rings.

What happened is that rising 'greenhouse gases' in Earth's atmosphere have caused a 'pushing effect' in the orgone energy that surrounds each planet in the Solar system. This has caused the orbits of all the other planets to go all wonky, with the result that Saturn's rings are suffering from the wasteful existence of human beings on the planet Earth. If human beings actually visit other planets, the effects will be catastrophic.

"We have to petition President George Bush and the US Congress to pull up the carpet and prevent astronauts from setting up shop on Saturn," said PETA spokesperson Dr. Alba Chakra. "These are hardly the sort of people Saturn want as their neighbors."

It is becoming increasingly obvious that the failure of President Bush to sign Kyoto is directly to blame for the decline in brilliance of Saturn's rings. The lack of a protecting Kyoto agreement is also clearly responsible for tooth decay, genocide among small insects of the upper Euphrates, comb-over hairstyles and a general increase in ennui among the French.

Former Vice President Al Gore will give a speech in Portland on Tuesday on global warming.
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Gore has given several speeches charging that the Bush administration should act more forcefully to reduce greenhouse gas emissions blamed for global warming.
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Gore insiders have stated that Gore will also use this opportunity to call for the arrest and prosecution of President Bush for "being a big meany" and "pursuing his evil agenda to destroy not just our planet, but others as well."

White House staffers commented unofficially that President Bush thought that Saturn was a car - and he has nothing against cars. Except trucks are better. Pickup trucks.

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No, wait. I have to stop. See, I was having fun. Making stuff up based on a news story I read about Saturn's rings changing in ways that seem to be surprising the scientific community. I was using Google to search for news stories that I could twist and pinch to make them funnier, to use exaggeration as a means of humor and perhaps some thought-provoking introspection.

What I did NOT expect to find was a story that basically mirrors mine - except that the author means it.

Egads.

Saturn Ring changes - Are they connected to Solar Global Warming?

Major difference here - these folks seem to believe that the Solar system is getting hotter on its own, and the US government is trying to cover it up somehow, and by the way, those trails you see in the sky when jet airplanes go by? They're not caused by jet exhaust - they're caused by attempts by the US military to control the weather for military purposes.

Fact is stranger than fiction. Hooray!

Run Away Screaming,

Wiggy