The Dogfather, Part One

The scene opens in the Jones family TV room, situated in a restored 1920's bungalow in a quiet neighborhood of Wilson, NC. Wigwam Jones is present, sitting on the couch in his bathrobe, trying to enjoy a cuppa joe before the day's trials and tribulations begin. He sits in the dark, trying to let his mind adjust to the fact that yet another day is about to begin.

With him in the room are Molly and Milo, who are interested in some rawhide chew toys, and Zone V, who is perched on the arm of Wiggy's side of the couch and begging to be petted.

Molly approaches in a supplicant posture - head down, eyes downcast. She places one paw on Wiggy's knee and gazes in into her Don's eyes in a souful way:

Molly: Oh, great Don Wiggy. I have come to ask you dis one favor.

Wiggy: Molly, you are my favorite girl puppy dog. You bring me happiness when you show me your devotion by slobbering on my hand and eating the floor of our kitchen. It is hard for me to refuse you anything, so tell me; what can Don Wiggy do for you?

Molly: Oh, great Don Wiggy. The favor that I have come to ask is dis. May I whack Zone V the cat?

Wiggy: Molly, Molly, Molly. Why would you want to do dis thing? You know Zone V is under my protection. Dis, I cannot permit.

Molly: Don Wiggy, da cat has been coming into our territory here in the TV room. She pays no tribute, she leaves cat hair everywhere, she chases her cat toys and naps in our window. She meows and therefore needs to be whacked.

Wiggy: Molly, I cannot allow you to do dis thing. I have given my protection to Zone V, and my word must be obeyed; she is not to be harmed. You have whacked a squirrel in the back yard that intruded into your territory, is this not enough?

Molly: Boss, dat squirrel was asking for it! And so is da cat. She makes noises and teases us from the back of the couch! She hides under things we can't reach and hisses at us! Milo was just innocently trying to see if she would fit in his mouth and she swatted him - she's got sharp claws, Don Wiggy! Dat cat has gotta go.

Wiggy: Perhaps I have not made my position clear on dis matter. Dat cat is not to be harmed, by you or any of your crew. The TV room is not your territory, it is Mrs. Wiggys and mine. We permit you to share it wit us, but never make the mistake of thinkin' that we have given it to you. You have the backyard, which you have proceeded to destroy. The cat is allowed to come and go as she pleases, and you will not harm her in any way. Do you understand me?

Molly: Don Wiggy, I cannot speak for all of my crew. It could be that one of them, in their youthful zeal, decides to take matters into their own hands, and whack da cat. I may not be able to stop them.

Wiggy: Understand this, Molly da dog. I will hold you responsible for anything bad dat happens to dat cat. If dat cat gets whacked, I am not going to go looking for whomever is responsible, I am gonna come looking for you. If dat cat gets whacked, you get whacked. Capisca?

Molly: Ok, Boss, Ok. I get it. Dat cat is not to be whacked. No problem.

At this point, Molly the dog slinks away. Milo presents himself, tail wagging, for an audience with Don Wiggy.

Wiggy: Milo, my favorite boy puppy dog! What can I do for you?

Milo: Don, Wiggy, I seek permission to whack dat annoying cat.

Don Wiggy drops his head into his hands, sobs quietly.

Camera pulls back and fades to black.

Ciao,

Don Wiggy

PS - No cats, dogs, or Italian-Americans were harmed in the making of this blog.