The At-A-Glance / Staples Outrage

Went to the local Staples today, to buy an 'At-A-Glance' calendar sort of thing. Something to keep track of stuff with. Yes, I have a PDA. Don't use it anymore - used it when I was a traveling monkey.



If it has to be plugged in from time to time, it's too much trouble. Calendars just wait patiently for you to open them - or not open them. Cool, solar powered.

Do you know what you can't buy at the local Staples? A 2005 calendar, is what. Of any kind. 2006 only.

What?

What the ding, dang, frickin, frackin, shazbot? How is this possible? In what world do we stop needing calendars in the middle of 2005 and start setting our sights on 2006 in July?

At-A-Glance Calendar 2006

I know that when I was a kid, the Christmas decorations went up soon after Thanksgiving. Now the stores start stocking Christmas decorations before Halloween. They put just enough Halloween stuff on the shelves to pay lip service to the holiday even existing, then they hustle it out and get the Christmas stuff in, which they have already pre-positioned.

But I don't understand this.

I didn't need a 2005 calendar in January, or I'd have bought one. I need one now. If it was late December or even November, I'd have some understanding - time to get rid of the dog-eared stuff that didn't sell and move on. Look ahead. Be pro-active, whatever that means.

But July?

I asked the store manager. He said that they got rid of the 2005 calendars in JUNE!

Sez I: What kind of person buys a 2006 calendar in July 2005?
Sez Him: Oh, you'd be surprised. Lots of people.
Sez I: Yes, stupid people. People who don't check the covers and think that they're buying 2005 calendars.
Sez Him: Oh, no. We'd know that if it happened. We get all kinds of people who ask for 2005 calendars in June, just like you're asking for one now.

Pause.

Pause.

Pause.

Sez I: Does this not tell you something?
Sez Him: Like what?
Sez I: Like, maybe if people are asking for 2005 calendars in June 2005, you maybe might want to think about possibly, oh, I dunno....HAVING SOME TO SELL THEM?
Sez Him: Ummm, no.

When I got back to my office, I called Staples and spoke to their customer service rep, who, thank the stars, is located in the USA and speaks English. She laughed when I recited my tale of woe. She admitted that she gets a lot of calls for people who want 2005 calendars after June of 2005. She admitted, laughingly, that perhaps it would make sense for them to actually stock them for a bit longer into the year. She made a note of it. There will be a new rule. The Wigwam Jones Rule - Thou Shalt Have Current-Year Calendars Until At Least Early November.

However, she also pointed out that all the companies that make calendars send out calls for their return in June of each year. See, like paperback books and magazines, if stores send the unsold calendars back, they get credit for them. So, it means a lot of money to them if they fail to return the unsold ones. All of which means - when the calendar makers beckon, the giant chains like Staples fall on their faces and genuflect. You kidding me? They'll sacrifice a junior accountant and three sales wonks to keep such a supplier happy.
So we have the calendar people to blame for this.

At-A-Glance people, you have made a powerful enemy this day. I swear vengeance. Maybe not now, maybe not in ten years, but someday, one of your employees will get kicked savagely in the shin - and you need not ask, you'll know what it was for. Revenge.

But wait. There's more. I called At-A-Glance Group. Talked to a very friendly and helpful customer service guy. Also speaks english, this is encouraging. Do they have 2005 calendars? No. Why not? The stores all returned their 2005 calendars, and ordered 2006 calendars. WHAT?

At-A-Glance Customer Service put me on hold to go research the problem. Came back - they swear that Staples returns the calendars whenever they want to - no reason it has to be June. But Staples demands 2006 calendars in June 2005, so that's what they get.

Somebody lying. I'm gonna get me a scalp. And I want a 2005 At-A-Glance calendar. This is now officially a quest. Mark my words.

Pencil This In,

Wiggy