So I've Been Away Awhile...

I'm sorry. I've been gone, and ignoring you all. It's not fair, I know it. Please forgive me.

I could tell you all that I've been on a world tour, promoting my new album; or perhaps in prison in some foreign country for making a mockery of a religious icon. Perhaps I should say that I've been advising various world political figures behind the scenes; but it was none of those things.

Actually, I've just been very busy. And some laziness in there too, I'll admit that.

But whatever - here I am again. I hope I can keep this up.

Mrs. Wiggy and I shot a wedding this last weekend. Got some pictures, wanna see them? Of course you do!

This was taken at St Therese Catholic Church in Wilson, North Carolina. An hispanic wedding, the first we've ever attended. Pretty cool stuff, very different from what we're used to! I could just tell you about it, but you'd never believe some of it - well, unless you're hispanic or have been to a hispanic Catholic wedding, I guess. Call it a growing experience for Mrs. Wiggy and I - we truly enjoyed it!

Here's the church itself - built in 1987, but in a historic neighborhood, it was built to have an older look to it. Nice, eh?



The Bride arrives - in a beautiful antique car, complete with antique chauffeur.



This shot was taken from the balcony by Mrs. Wiggy:



Cherubic children - yes, they were cute. Oughta be a crime:



The Groom is kept from escaping by his parents, who have clearly had enough of his nonsense and want him married off as soon as possible:



Flower Girls, who are obviously pleased to be doing this:



The Bride arrives, similarly kept from fleeing by her father:



"Well, she's your problem now, buddy. Good luck to ya."



"OK, let's get this show on the road, eh?"



Now, I have to say that here is where things began to get different from Mrs. Wiggy and I were used to seeing - being Catholic ourselves, we remembered our wedding, and it was nothing like this. OK, of course the Mass was in Spanish - but we expected that.

There was a "Unity Candle" that was lit by the mother of the Bride, the mother of the Groom, and later by the couple themselves, but even though that is technically a Protestant tradition more than a Catholic one, it has kind of caught on - we had one ourselves at our wedding.




However, in addition to that - at one point, there was a large Rosary brought out, I believe it is called the "Laso." This is draped over the Bride and Groom as they sit facing the Priest during the wedding.




There is a large Bible presented to the couple by the parents - this is blessed by the Priest and presented to the couple.



There is a ritual threatening with a huge Crucifix:



There is one part in Catholic Mass where everyone is encouraged to shake hands with their neighbors. We do it all the time. But it is usually a two-minute affair, we don't pack a lunch and make a day of it. However, in this Wedding Mass, everyone had to come up and shake hands with the Bride and Groom - their hands must have been worn out by the time it was over and everyone back in their seats.

The Bride made an offering to the Virgin Mary (I just liked this one better in black-and-white):



"Holy Cow, I think we did it!"



Just an artsy-fartsy shot that I liked for no good reason:



Outside the Church, the happy couple were presented with a pair of white doves, which they flung into the air. I guess since rice is not in vogue anymore, we have to fling something.

The Groom Tosses a Pigeon - Bride Awaits Her Turn:



I had visions of a hunter jumping up from behind a bush with a shotgun and taking the poor pigeons out, or a big bird of prey, but it was not to be - they got away clean.

The Ritual of Looking on in Horror as a Hawk Swoops Down on the Pigeon:



The Bride and Groom then absconded in the ancient car to the Wilson Rose Garden, where we spent a few minutes wandering around among the bees and trying to avoid being stung.

Everybody wants to see some kissy shots; so here you go (taken at the Wilson Rose Garden):





At the Reception (Shriner's Hall, Wilson, NC):





Now, the wedding itself had started at 1:30 in the afternoon. By the time we got to the Shriner's Hall, it was something like 4:00 p.m., so we'd spent some time in Church and at the Rose Garden. However, that was nothing to compare to what awaited us inside the reception hall!

First, there was a fancy dance that involved all the Bridesmaids and Groomsmen, who danced in a circle around the Bride and Groom while they danced with everybody who wanted to - which was everyone in the place. This went on for some 45 minutes or so, it looked like they were all going to fall down by the time it was over. The band played Norteño music, and for this dance, which resembled a formal waltz, they played "The Farmer in the Dell." I still have it in my head. Make it stop.

Fancy Dancing:



Then, we had a fun ritual called "Trying to knock the Bride on her keister," I guess. What happens is this. First, the Bride and Groom stand up on chairs and they each grab hold of one end of the Bride's train, which they hold overhead. Then, all the women in the place form a line (like a snake dance, not a conga line) and they run at full tilt inbetween the Bride and Groom and around the room while the band plays at full volume. One or two of the women actually runs into the Bride on purpose, trying to knock her off her chair. But it is ritualized, they don't really intend to knock her off, just to make it look that way. Then, the one or two women who rammed into the Bride peel off the dance line and grab the Bride around the legs, holding her firm against future attempts to knock her over. They repeat this over and over, with the line getting shorter and the number of women holding the Bride up getting larger, until there are no more women left dancing.

Then they repeat this with the men! Same deal, only they try to knock the Groom off his chair.

Trying to Knock the Bride and Groom Over Dance:







Once a cease-fire is declared, the men who were previously trying to knock the Groom off his chair, apparently angry that they did not succeed, grab the Groom, throw him up in the air until he looks like he's going to lose his lunch, and then they race with him into the Men's restroom, tearing his clothes off as they run. Don't believe me? Look at the photos!

The Ritual Throwing of the Groom in the Air:



The Ritual Tearing Off of the Groom's Clothes:





When the Groom is totally naked (out of sight in the Men's room), the men come out with his clothes, which they throw at the Bride. She then is forced to go into the Men's room and dress her new husband, while the band plays wah-wah-wah music and the crowd roars.

It was at this point that the manager of the Shriner's club came out and tried to stop the crowd from forcing the woman into the Men's bathroom. He was furious, but several large partiers threatened him successfully and he went away very angry. The Bride went in and dressed her husband.

The Ritual Presentation of the Groom's Clothes to the Bride:



However, the Groom emerged only half-dressed. He wore his shirt and suit jacket, but no pants; in their place, he wore a tablecloth, held shut by several of his friends. He then paraded around the room, picking up babies and kissing them and pretending they were his children. Then he chased various single women around the room, with his friends holding the tablecloth and pulling him away from the women. All very symbolic, I'm guessing.

At this point, he was presented with a mop, and his friends forced him to simulate mopping the floor. He did this half-heartedly, while the crowd laughed. Then, he threw down the mop in disgust, and the crowd roared their approval. He went back into the bathroom and emerged with his pants on. Something sexist about a man refusing to do housework? I dunno, you be the judge.

The Ritual of the Half-Dressed Groom Being Forced to Use a Mop:



Things being what they were, it was eight o'clock before the cake was cut...

Finally, the Cake is Cut and the Bride is Served:



There was a toast made, and at this point, we packed up and departed - a twelve-hour gig finally over. We were told later that the reception went on until 11:30 p.m. My goodness.

And the Toast is Made:



Hope ya'll enjoyed it!

Smooches,

Wiggy