A Perfect Christmas Tree

They brought in the office Christmas tree today. It is sitting in the box it came, totally unassembled.

But it is a PERFECT Christmas tree. I know this, because it says so in two-foot high letters down the side of the box. "PERFECT Christmas Tree," it says. It goes on to mention that it is a 6 and 1/2 foot tall tree made of "Manhattan Pine." You know, from the vast forest of Manhattan Pine trees that dot Wall Street. No wonder traffic sucks in NYC. Yeah, perhaps in precambrian times. But hey, I'm being a Grinch. And we all know about his freaking enlarged heart. Nobody wants that, trust me.

The tree is 'pre-decorated' which means that the lights are already on the thing. One has merely to take it out of its box, shake it, stand it upright, and plug it in.

It rotates, for God's sake. BOTH DIRECTIONS! Now that's holiday entertainment.

I'm frankly surprised it doesn't hop up and down, wiggle suggestively, whistle, or sing. Maybe we could get one that talks, like those disturbing soda vending machines of a few years ago. Maybe I've had too much caffeine this afternoon.

Speaking of Grinches, do you know who narrated "How The Grinch Stole Christmas?" Boris Karloff, that's who. Do you know who sang that basso profundo rendition of "You're a Mean One, Mister Grinch?" Thurl Ravenscroft, that's who. He also did the voice for "Tony the Tiger" saying "They're GRRRRRREAT!" Think about it - same voice.

Thurl Ravenscroft. Man, that's a name. Not even a 'stage name', I looked it up. That's the real deal. I'd love to have a name like that. Thurl Ravenscroft. I get shivers. Shivers, I tell ya.

Holiday Eggnog Smooches,

Wiggy