Insane Family Members

Insane Family Members


I have family members who feel that the entire purpose of the internet and email is to send each other (and me) horrible little things like the list shown below. Apparently, one is supposed to fill this out and forward it to one's entire family, and then drive off a cliff. OK, not the last bit. But that's what I feel like when I get these. I mean, what the *#&#@? I'd tell *them* to go drive off a bridge, but they're *family*. So, I mostly just ignore them. But not today. I guess I'll be off the Christmas Lists this year.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Way too early.
2. Diamonds or pearls? With cordoroy? You *must* be joking.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? What's a 'cinema'?
4. What is your favorite TV show(s)? Whatever Mrs. Wiggy tells me it is.
5. What did you have for breakfast? Red Baron Breakfast Pizza and a Snickers. SNORK!
6. What is your middle name? Delicatessa Windowshade Mackrelmint Eprhraim's Daughter.
7. What is your favorite food? Spaghetti-O's.
8. What foods do you dislike? Everything else, mostly.
9. What is your favorite chip flavor? Silicon.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? The Streets - Original Pirate Material.
11. What kind of car do you drive? 1996 Chevy Lumina POS.
12. Favorite sandwich? Bologna & Cheese with Ketchup.
13. What characteristic do you despise? All selfishness except mine.
14. Favorite item of clothing? Hers. Usually worn on my head while I go tear-assing around the house. Usually wearing also a cape to complete the effect.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where world you go? Big Rock Candy Mountain.
16. What color is your bathroom? How the ()&* would I know that? I'm colorblind, remember? It's bloody bathroom-color, then.
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Super-Fatties, the Super Fatman's Super Fat Giant Fat Store for Huge Fat People.
18. Where would you retire to? The second star to the right, straight on 'til morning.
19. Favorite time of the day? One hour before I wake up.
20. What was your most memorable birthday? The first one. I didn't say *I* remembered it!
21. Where were you born? Cottage Hospital, Galesburg, IL. At least that's what THEY told me.
22. Favorite sport to watch? Competitive Eating Events. In Japanese.
23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Richard M. Nixon.
24. Person you expect to send it back first? Thunderclap Newman.
25. What fabric detergent do you use? What fabric detergent do I use for what?
26. Coke or Pepsi? Mountain Dew.
27. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Neither. I'm a twilight reptile.
28. What is your shoe size? 11 left, 12 right. I dress to the left and my hat size is 'Atomic Big Bigness'.
29. Do you have any pets? Two dogs, two cats, one giant metallic atomic mutant lobster I call "Clacky."
30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family & friends? I have candy in one of my pockets. Care to find it?
31. What did you want to be when you were little? Smaller.
32. Do you have any children? Too busy being one.
33. What's your favorite holiday? None.
34. What's your favorite day of the week? Glarnsday.
35. Where do you work? In the coal mine, goin' down, down, down. Workin' in the coal mine, *whoops* about to slip down.

Oh, why do I bother?

Peace Out,

Wiggy