Well, I Voted Today...

And I feel like throwing up.

I took advantage of the 'no excuse' early voting that they have in North Carolina. Drove down to the local election bureau in Wilson. No problem, right downtown, easy parking, line was out the door, but it's a small building. The wait was short - maybe 30 minutes.

Once inside, I could see what some of the problem must have been in Florida. The place was awash with old people. Creaky old smelly wrinkled people. Nice ones, friendly, but hair growing out of their noses and ears and lots of medical devices from recent surgeries sticking out of them at various angles and not really able to comprehend what they were supposed to do to get their ballots or what to do with them once they got their ballots. Just kinda of a nice wandering sea of confusion, being gently guided by the nice people who worked there, who patiently answered the same questions about eleventy-dozen times, such as "Where do I vote for President? I just want to vote for President!" Some of them had not brought any identification with them, or they wanted to wax poetic about Roosevelt, "Now THERE was a President, dad gum it!" I just tried to dodge the aluminum canes they swung around every so often to emphasize a point and keep my place in line.

I could not make up my mind on President, so I went on down the line, voting for ever buddy else. It was fairly easy - where there was a Libertarian candidate, I voted for him or her. Where there was only a Republican and a Democrat, I voted for the Republican. On some races, like for District Judge, where the candidates were non-partisan, I didn't cast a vote, because I'm still new enough to North Carolina that I don't know what these judges stand for or against. On the various referendum questions that would modify the North Carolina constitution, I just voted 'no' on all of them.

Then I came back to the question of President and Vice President of the United States.

Hmmm.

Tick-tock.

Can't vote for Kerry & Edwards - that's right out. Kerry, despite his duck-shooting display during the race, would do his level best to take my right to keep and bear arms away. Call me a one-issue voter, that's ok. Can't and won't vote for him on that basis, and that's the end of it. You who read this - spare me your diatribe about me wanting to shoot people or how the government doesn't really want my guns. Been there, argued that, got the high blood pressure to show for it. Point is, I own guns, I'm going to continue to own guns, and I'm not giving them up, ever. I will never vote for a Democrat on that basis alone. And yes, I *do* believe the Democrats want to make the Second Amendment go away.

Argh. Do I vote for Bush & Cheney? What if Vice-President Cheney were really Lon Chaney? That would be cool. OK, stop daydreaming. Back to work.

Hmm. There is a Libertarian ticket listed - Badnarik and Campagna. Sounds like 'champagne'. That's weird. Maybe I should vote for them, I'm a registered Libertarian, after all. I have no idea what they stand for. Who cares, they're not Bush or Kerry, and probably have no idea how to be real big-time crooks yet. Give them time.

Ah, but wait. They can't win. Sorry, but they can't. I know, I know, it is because of people like me that they can't win. Right, but it's still true that they can't win.

I don't see any Green Party. No Nader, either. Just Bush/Kerry/Badnarik from whom to choose. I could write something in. Maybe Nikita Kruschev. Pibgorn. Bucky Katt. PJ O'Rourke. Giant dogs, landing on my face. No wait, I'm getting out of control again. Did I say that out loud?

So. If I vote for Badnarik and Campagna, I am throwing my vote away. Bush won last time in Florida by what, 12 votes and a dirty sock puppet? What if Kerry pulls it out this time - on MY tossed-away vote? I'd like Kerry as president a LOT less than I'd like Bush. But I don't want either one. Dang.

I remember what happened when I voted for Ross "The Boss" Perot once. Bill Clinton got into office. I can't let THAT happen again. Sorry, it was all my fault, I accept that now.

Tick-Tock.

Oh, man. I hate this. I hate all the candidates. I hate being put in this situation. But I have to vote. Don't I? Don't I?

I finally took a deep breath.

Voted.

For Bush and Cheney.

And now I really do want to throw up. And never stop throwing up. I want to puke until I hear that marble I swallered in the third grade go 'clink' into the bowl. I want to puke until I see daylight outta my arsehole.

The only thing worse than if Bush wins will be if Kerry wins.

In either case, we lose. Oh man, do we lose.

Why don't we just all turn our wallets over to the federal government and take cyanide and get it over with already?

I guess I know what I'm wearing for a Halloween costume. I'm going as a Disgruntled Citizen. Oh wait, that's ever buddy.

Well, have a great weekend. I'm going to get drunk.

Keep Grinning,

Wiggy