Welcome to HypnoBlog

I have decided to embark upon a career in hypnobloggery. A mid-life change in plans, perhaps, or just a way to entertain myself on a boring Friday. Who is to say, really?

Anyway, here's how it works. I will hypnoblog you through the power of this blog. You will be under my control from about the fifth paragraph down, until you perform whatever actions I have required of you and return control of your life to you. Which I promise to do, I am not an evil hypnobloggist. I'll let you know before I begin, so you can stop reading if you want to avoid being hypnoblogged.

OK, I lied. You are already under my complete control. Let's try a test. Say the word "poltroon." Say it again. Did you? I hope so. Do you know what a 'poltroon' is? It is a coward. That's an old and obsolete word that needs to be brought back into common parlance. So here is one of your assignments. Say 'poltroon' in a sentence three times today. That is my evil will and you must therefore comply. OK, then.

I always wondered about hypnosis - the movies and TV always portray it the same way. Some guy with a goatee, looking vaguely like Sigmund Freud, swings a hypnotic disk from a chain in a slow arc through the air, while suggesting that the subject (almost always a beautiful young woman) is getting 'sleepy.' Why sleepy?



Why not angry? Here's how I kind of picture it...

"You are getting angry. Angry! With every swing of the pendulum your ire increases. You are becoming short-tempered. You're sportin' a 'tude. You be cranky-boy. Somebody needs a nap. You're good and pissed off. You can barely restrain your fury! You have gone completely non-linear!"

"Yes, I am angry. Very angry. Must kill, must destroy!"

"Alright then. I order you to quit smoking."

"What?"

"You heard me. Quit smoking! The power of the hypnotic disk compels you!"

"I'll smoke over your corpse, you quack! ARGH!" (Violence ensues. Lots of it.)

NOTE TO SELF: OK, so not such a good idea. Perhaps 'sleep' is a better hypnotic command. Well, this is how we learn.

Now, where were we? Oh yes, you're still hypnoblogged. I nearly forgot. Sorry.

Um, ok, what shall I order you to do? I mean, besides saying 'poltroon'.

Be nice to people. OK, that's weak. Let me think.

I got it. Ah-hem. Remain calm. There, that's better.

Just so we're clear, let's review. You are hereby ordered by the power of the hypnoblog to use the word 'poltroon' in a sentence three times today. And you must remain calm. This is key. Other than that, um, well, just have a good day. Are we clear on that? Oh, and report back on the details of your use of the word 'poltroon' and how you remained calm. We can all learn from your experiences, so please share.

I now release you from the hypnoblog. Go about your business and remember...remember...remember...

Tastes Like Chicken,

Wiggy