What the Hell is up with these "Mobility Scooters?"

Yeah, yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Those electric things that look kind of like a cross between a golf cart and an electric wheelchair. Like this:

Well, I'm seeing an awful lot of them recently. In the grocery store or the mall. On the sidewalks all up and down in the small town of Wilson. In Raleigh, they're like a plague, you can hardly walk the streets without being mowed down by someone on one of these things. And let me tell you, some of them zip right along at a pretty good rate of speed.

And you know, I'm not seeing many elderly, kind-faced gentlemen out walking their dogs, either. I'm seeing a lot of guys that look like they used to, um, live an alternative lifestyle that included some familiarity with illicit drugs, drugs which they couldn't subsequently pay for and which earned them a clip full of 9mm rounds in the spinal column, dig? OK, gang-bangers. And very, very, very, fat people. And a lot of people who look like nothing's wrong with them at all. OK, that's just me, and I'm saying this as a fat guy myself. Just not unable to walk yet. I'll let you know when I get my own zipcode.

Now, let me just say that if a person needs something like this to get around, and they don't have a lot of options - like, say, walking, then I'm cool with the whole concept. But I notice a couple of things that make me a mite suspicious. One - these things are all over late-night TV advertisements. Apparently, the builders of these mini-golfcarts have figured out a way to get the government (that's right, I mean taxpayers) to cough up for these multi-thousand dollar go-carts. All you need, basically, is a doctor's note saying it is a bad thing if you walk around much. Or something like that. In fact, the companies that make these things are so confident that they can get you 'approved' by whatever deep-pockets bleeding heart governemnt agency that pays for such things that they say they'll give it to you free if they 'preapprove' you and you actually can't get it from the government. Such a deal, eh?

And so I'm seeing a whole lot of these things around lately. Full of people who look like they oughta maybe consider walking a few steps now and then. I wonder where all these folks were before such scooters were available? OK, maybe I'm being mean. These folks were shut-ins before they got their scooters, and now we see them more only because the 500-lb brigade and former gangsta's can now emerge from their bathtubs and couches and head to the mall. Is that it? Or is it that some folks have figured out that they can get these things for free from the government, and they're more fun to zip around on than walking?

I'm just saying.

Oh, whoops! Seems like I might be on to something, mean or not:

Justice Department sues Scooter Store

Well, would you look at that? Yep, just as I thought. Says here that "The Justice Department says the company engaged in a mass marketing campaign, assuring Medicare beneficiaries the scooters would be paid for by the federal health care program."

And you know that mean-spirited remark I made about how it looked like some of the folks I've seen using these things can actually, you know, walk and stuff? Well, "The program ordered its insurance contractors to enforce strictly a policy that normally limits reimbursements to those unable to walk." Huh. Seems like someone must have been getting scooters who actually could walk - and now the government has twigged to it and wants to limit it to just those folks who can't walk. Seems reasonable.

But what do I know?

Scratchin' Where It Itches,

Wiggy