Deep Impact, Baby!

Oh yeah...chukka, chickah...[imitating Yello song here, sorry]...

Comet to suffer Deep Impact from US probe
For scientific purposes

Remember the blockbusters "Armageddon" and "Deep Impact"? Well, it seems that so do the scientists, since they’ll be attempting something quite similar. A NASA spacecraft steered from the Pasadena-based Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) will attempt to blow up a comet next month, thus answering basic questions about the formation of the solar system by offering a better look at the nature and composition of these frozen celestial traveling bodies.

Ha! No, that's not why they want to blow up a comet! They want to blow up a comet because hey - they can say "Look at me, I blew up a freaking comet!"

We're talking about geeks here. Geek guys and girls, and folks, they're really, really, repressed. They don't get to do the Bruce Willis movies, they don't get to do Demolition Derby and Monster Trucks & Tractor Pulls, they're no Evel Knievels.

But oh, do they want to blow stuff up. And who can blame them? I like to blow stuff up as well. I can't think of anyone who doesn't. We like big fireballs and huge kabooms, and the bigger, the better.

The probe, code named Deep Impact (told you they've seen the movie), is scheduled to make a close encounter with comet Tempel 1 on July 3, when it will separate into two parts: a craft the size of a SUV that will fly by the comet, acting as an amplifier for the information sent by its photographer sidekick, the size of a washing machine. While the flyby craft watches, the kamikaze impactor will navigate itself into the path of the oncoming comet.

And it is probably programmed to broadcast the radio message 'Hey! You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? 'Cause I thought you were talkin' to me. You want some of this? Huh? You want some of this?' Being geeks, they'll probably broadcast it in Vulcan and Klingon on all standard subspace frequencies.

The idea is to reveal the interior of the comet, which is thought to contain material that has not changed since the solar system was formed, and the information will be gathered by the four data collectors the Deep Impact spacecraft is fitted with.

Yeah, baby! Reveal the interior of that comet! Come on, don't be a tease, show daddy what you got!

Only *I* could turn comet exploration into something smutty. I'm so proud.

The comet's orbit should not be significantly changed following the impact. Tempel 1, discovered in 1867, orbits the sun between Mars and Jupiter every 5.5 years, and has a nucleus the size of the District of Columbia.

Whattya mean, the orbit "should not be significantly changed following the impact?" Dude, you're blowing the frickin' thing the hell up! Blowed it up good! Blowed it up real good! You do this thing right, we ain't gonna have no danged old comet no more.

You're just saying that so no tree-huggers get involved and demand that you knock it off before you drop another Skylab on their punkin haids, is what.

Rick Grammier, Deep Impact project manager at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, said that the mission is like "a bullet trying to hit a second bullet with a third bullet.", and then added "We are really threading the needle with this one. In our quest of a great scientific payoff, we are attempting something never done before at speeds and distances that are truly out of this world."

Oh, God, that science talk gets me going. RRRRRR! Talk tech to me, baby. Talk tech to me. Slower now..softer..ah, that's the spot.

Anyhow, this experiment has another important goal, shedding light on Earth's encounters, past and future, with comets.

Revenge! This is all about revenge! You comets mess with us, we're gonna mess with you. You see this? Hah? You see it? That's what you get when you mess with Earth!

"Without a doubt our planet will be hit again many times in the future, unless we can prevent it from happening," said astronomer Ken Wilson of the Science Museum of Virginia. "We're not sure yet what the best way to do this is, but in order to figure that out, we've really got to better understand what comets and asteroids are made of and how they're put together. So, in a sense, Deep Impact is our latest attempt to get to know our potential enemies."

Yes, our potential enemies who might, er, throw comets at us. Well, it could happen.

Man, I love this stuff. I hope it's on Pay-Per-View. I'd stay home from work to watch this one.

Smooches,

Wiggy