One Hand Doesn't Know, Yadda, Yadda

It comes down to this:

As he thought he was about to be deported to Ireland, a stunned and bemused Ciaran Ferry looked on as an expletive-laden row erupted between law enforcement officers charged with removing him from the country.

One arm of the US federal government was trying to execute a federal order deporting Ferry to Ireland, while another was trying to execute a federal 'no fly' list entry which prevented Ferry from flying.

"It spooked all the passengers on the flight to Dublin," Ferry said in a phone interview.

Yeah, no screamin' eagle shit. I'd have been freaked-out too.

A spokesman for the Port Authority police said that the authority officers were only present to assist the TSA. The mix-up over Ferry's flight status, he said, had been a federal one.

Well it is good to know that it wasn't the airport employees with their heads up their asses. Only the feds. No problem, then.

And while we're on the subject of idiotic US federal government decisions...let's talk about cigarette lighters.

TSA Bans Cigarette Lighters

You know, about 25 percent of the adult population of the USA smokes. No doubt that's declining (and your Wiggy gave up the Evil Weed six months ago, hurrah), but the fact is that a significant minority of the population smokes. And nicotine is a drug. And smokers are addicted to it. Still with me? This is not difficult stuff, folks.

Now, then.

In December, 2001, a complete idiot tried to light some explosives concealed in his shoes on fire. He used some matches to try to do it, but he failed. I guess he had walked in a mud puddle before boarding his flight or something, and his shoes were too wet to ignite. Probably out smoking in the rain, since smoking is banned in most airports in the USA (from the Department of Irony).

Anyway, that was 2001. A few months after the terror of 9-11. Hasn't happened again, that I'm aware of. You? No. Right, then.

Here we come to 2005. The TSA (The new Brownshirts) has announced that they will be banning cigarette lighters and matches in February of this year. That's a couple of weeks from now.

OK, here are a few questions for the TSA:

1) How do you detect lighters, and especially, matches?
2) What will the smokers, now forced to stand around in the outside weather, do for a smoke while waiting to board their flights?
3) Are you all complete idiots?

And since I aim to please, here are a few answers:

1) You won't be able to detect the lighters most times, and almost never the matches.
2) The smokers will find ways to outwit you. Which isn't too hard.
3) Yes, you are all complete bumbling idiots, those of you who aren't outright criminals.

Smokers smoke, my friends. It's a drug, they're addicted. Get over it. Smokers have put up with an awful lot in the past. In airports, they're especially harried. Few places to smoke, stressful situations, long waits between times & places they can smoke, a generally resentful anti-smoking audience in many cities, and so on. Now you're going to make them wait NOT until they clear security, NOT until they get to their gate, NOT until they board their plane, NOT until they land, NOT until they disembark, NOT until they get their baggage, NOT even until they leave the airport, but UNTIL they can find a convenience store and BUY a new lighter to take the place of the one they had confiscated at the airport. Oh yeah, THAT'S going to work.

And I don't want to hear from any of your anti-smokers going on about how smoking is bad for anyone. My diatribe is not about smoking and the health effects it creates. My rant is about how stupid the TSA is for even thinking that this was a good idea.

Since we know that smokers are going to smoke, it makes sense to believe that they're going to react to this ban just the way Americans reacted to the 55MPH speed limit. They're going to ignore it. Yes, the TSA will find and confiscate a few lighters, the occasional pack of matches. If they're on the ball and they smell cigarette smoke on a person's clothes, they may search extra hard for them. Some few smokers will comply with the law and discard their smoking utensils before they get on the plane.

But most of them are going to choose to disregard the new rule, and they'll get away with it.

Why is this bad? It seems like the solution to the problem - just ignore a stupid rule, and everyone gets on with their lives.

But it breeds something bad. That is, more flouting of the law. When you make status criminals out of 25% of the population, you encourage everyone to disobey laws and rules that they find inconvenient - and that hurts everyone.

Anyway, what's this all about all of a sudden? Richard Reid pulled his sneaker stunt back in 2001 - and NOW they decide that matches pose a threat? Those Chechen women blew up the Russian planes just a couple of months ago, and the TSA jumped at the opportunity to grab a few boobies with the feeble excuse that they were looking for explosives.

Ah, this is just stupid all the way around. But then, the TSA has never impressed me with their towering intellect. Bullies, thugs, criminals, and congenital idiots is all I've ever thought of 'em.

And that's the end of that rant.

G'Day,

Wiggy